Rumour has it that many Premier League footballers have attempted to hang themselves in the wake of Gary Speeds death, but have failed for various reasons.
Wayne Rooney couldn't find a rope strong enough.
Fernando Torres attempted to kick the chair away but kept missing.
Peter Crouch couldn't find a high enough ceiling.
Mario Balotelli couldn't manage to put the noose on the right way.
Carlos Tevez refused to step off the bench.
John Terry had to call a press conference and apologise for calling his rope a "brown cunt".
